Health Riskacknowledger Pillows

"Well, I lived on the main road, lung cancer was free. I drunk up the money I had saved."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

Zika Epidemic

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

"Interesting greeting ritual."

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, Doctor scared by apples,

"You're not allowed to enter the city. Your exhaust emissions are much too high!"

New in fitness: Health club truancy officers.

Diet Smell...

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

WARNING: Smoking turns you into a donkey.

'Test results indicate you broke your New Year's resolution.'

"...and therefore I share my Nobel Prize with my consultant."

"Does anyone know CPR?"

'We don't call it 'plus size' anymore, we call it 'extra fun'.'

"I need to lose a few pounds - my car is starting to feel tight."

'Weight loss can cause liver damage...'

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

Corporate Liposuction, Inc.: 'A leaner, meaner company, or your money back!'

'There, but for liposuction, go I.'

'Could you ask the dentist if it's okay for me to use my own spitton?'

'How long have you had that nagging knee injury?!'

Fat kids in football T-shirts, Rooney and Ronaldo. Man says: 'It's good for kids to have sport role models.'

"I gave up smoking to annoy my wife by living longer."

'Right, where do I start?'

'Maybe I'll die earlier because I drink, smoke and eat too much. But at least, I'll die happily!'

"Someday we'll look back at this as the golden age of childhood obesity."

Another anthrax case...

Unvaccinated Summer