Health Risk Defier Pillows

"Our war is against cancer."

To do before Saturday...

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

Medicine.

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

Man on treadmill with one leg in a cast.

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

War inthe time of Corona

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

'Even hypochondriacs pass away...sooner or later.'

"Sigurd advocates civil disobedience relating to the 'law of gravity'."

'Your present physical condition reminds me of my 401(K), worth about half of what it once was'

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

'You're fine.'

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

"Does anyone know CPR?"

"The doctor said I suffer from hypochondria. And you said there was nothing wrong with me."

'It doesn't matter what pills you give me, whatever they're for, I'm sure to have it...'

'You have hypochondria... are you allergic to placebo?'

"I knew it. I just KNEW it. How long have I had this condition, doctor? Is there a cure? Oh, God, it just had to be disease, didn't it..." Cathy finds out that she has hypochondria.

'I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you... You're a hypochondriac.' 'Gasp! I knew it.'

St Ninian, patron saint of hypochondriacs