Health Risk Defier Gifts

"Damn the consequences."

"Our war is against cancer."

To do before Saturday...

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'Eric! Look for his pressure point! He's got to have a pressure point somewhere!'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

Medicine.

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

Man on treadmill with one leg in a cast.

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

War inthe time of Corona

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

'Your present physical condition reminds me of my 401(K), worth about half of what it once was'

'It's Mrs Yomp - she can't remember if she should take the aspirin first and call you in the morning, or call you first, then take the aspirin...'

'Even hypochondriacs pass away...sooner or later.'

"Sigurd advocates civil disobedience relating to the 'law of gravity'."

'You're fine.'

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

"Does anyone know CPR?"

"I knew it. I just KNEW it. How long have I had this condition, doctor? Is there a cure? Oh, God, it just had to be disease, didn't it..." Cathy finds out that she has hypochondria.

'You have hypochondria... are you allergic to placebo?'

My doctor says my heart is fragile. I'm supposed to cut down on my activism. You mean activity? Activism. He says that getting upset about idiotic, right-wing, greedy jerks is bad for my heart. He's a quack! This ends badly.

St Ninian, patron saint of hypochondriacs

'I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you... You're a hypochondriac.' 'Gasp! I knew it.'

2022