Health Risk Ponderer T-Shirts

"I gave up smoking to annoy my wife by living longer."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"Woah - random!"

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

Confined by Coronavirus

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'The medical reimbursement system is sick and there is no race for the cure.'

'If we didn't live so long we wouldn't eat so much!'

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

"It's a cause close to my heart."

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

No man is an island ??" it just looks that way.

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'

'Why am I wearing a helmet?...Why aren't you wearing one?!'

"Does anyone know CPR?"

'I'm afraid I have some bad news.'

"Either you give up all that unhealthy stuff and live another 30 years or you go on as before, have a blast for about 10 or 11 years and then die happy, satisfied and drunken."

Lady with facemask smoking

Probability: 10,000-1, 150-1, 6-1, 2-5, 1-20, 50-1, 10,000-1.

"Will I be able to carry on not doing any exercise?"

'It's like shooting fish in a barrel, except you're in Vegas and the barrel's in New York.'

"Now those b*****s are getting a little taste of my life!"

Your medical insurance ran out? Like it was being chased by a grizzly bear.

'How do you want it - the crystal mumbo jumbo or the statistical probability?'

'I'm writing you a prescription. Do you want a longer life with less quality or vice versa?'

'I'm afraid you've got thirty, maybe forty years to live.'