Health Precaution Ponderer T-Shirts

"60 feet 6 inches oughta be fine.", "666 feet if you really want to be safe."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Waiting for Pants

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"Woah - random!"

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

The Human Condition

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

Desert crawler following water

Confined by Coronavirus

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

"It's a cause close to my heart."

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

No man is an island ??" it just looks that way.

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'