Health Quirks Explorer Gifts

'Why does my stomach growl when I drink beer?', 'Maybe it's jealous of your kidneys.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Lactose intolerance.

Odd Spas

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

'Well, you have people pox.'

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

Fakir Shrink.

A man's health care options.

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

"Oh that's just a myth. It wasn't one extra straw that did this. It was a Steinway."

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

"I'm still thirsty. Maybe I've got leaky gut syndrome."

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

'With the added weight on their chests, donors can give a pint of blood at a time.'

'I take it this wasn't quite the outcome you were expecting from your 'spot reduction diet'?'

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'

Aisle 3; 300 - 500 calories per serving.

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'