Health Quirks Explorer Gifts

'Why does my stomach growl when I drink beer?', 'Maybe it's jealous of your kidneys.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Odd Spas

Lactose intolerance.

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

Fakir Shrink.

'Well, you have people pox.'

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

A man's health care options.

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I'm still thirsty. Maybe I've got leaky gut syndrome."

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

'I take it this wasn't quite the outcome you were expecting from your 'spot reduction diet'?'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

Aisle 3; 300 - 500 calories per serving.