Health Nuts-in-training Gifts

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

Yoga vs. Prosecco

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'Me? I took my cardio to the next level.'

"Can I still do my pilates?"

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Gym. Check in Here. The only time I feel the burn is when I pay the memberbship fee.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'I can't conceal it any longer - the food in this place is killing you.'

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Advanced aerobicizers wait till after class to aid the fallen.

Body Building

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

Sugar Crunchies - Free Dental Treatment.

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

Forbidden Vegetable

"No, I'm not able to transplant your computer's antivirus software into your body. Try washing your hands more often."

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"Didn't anyone tell you this is the private juice bar of the Health's Angels?"

"I'm not touching it if it's not organic!"

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

Tangled facing dog...

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

Muscular Santa

"You have to start exercising. Running your mouth, skipping breakfast, and jumping to conclusions doesn't count."

Superfoods are in aisle three.

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

Elevator is now equipped with stairclimber exercise machine.

'I always watch what I eat - right up until it disappears into my mouth.'

'I don't mind you earning more money than I do, Gretchen, or driving a more expensive car, but do you have to bench press more than I do, too?'