Health Nuts-in-training Gifts

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'Me? I took my cardio to the next level.'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'I can't conceal it any longer - the food in this place is killing you.'

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Advanced aerobicizers wait till after class to aid the fallen.

Body Building

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

Sugar Crunchies - Free Dental Treatment.

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

Forbidden Vegetable

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

"No, I'm not able to transplant your computer's antivirus software into your body. Try washing your hands more often."

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

Tangled facing dog...

"Didn't anyone tell you this is the private juice bar of the Health's Angels?"

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

"I'm not touching it if it's not organic!"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

Muscular Santa

"You have to start exercising. Running your mouth, skipping breakfast, and jumping to conclusions doesn't count."

'I always watch what I eat - right up until it disappears into my mouth.'

Elevator is now equipped with stairclimber exercise machine.

'I don't mind you earning more money than I do, Gretchen, or driving a more expensive car, but do you have to bench press more than I do, too?'

Squash Partners.