Health Ninja Wannabe Pillows

'Health foods? I had some frozen yogurt once.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Dieting Motivation.

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

"I can't have anything that's a food."

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

A Complex Carb.

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

Whole foods versus 'hole foods'.

'Mom, your diet says you can eat all the vegetables you want. Wow! A diet without vegetables!'

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"I can guarantee on this diet you'll lose at least 50 pounds a month, until you cancel your standing order!"

Food that is good for you and food that is good for drug companies.

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

"Good boy Alex! You've eaten all your vegetables again."

'It's very important to have balanced diet.'

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

'I always watch what I eat - right up until it disappears into my mouth.'

"I am a ninja rabbit. I am stealth personified. I am one of the unseen. I am now invisible...Darn."

The Diabetic Hummingbird Feeder

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

"Thank you for the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Mrs Williams, but I'm allergic to peanuts, gluten, and I'm pre-diabetic."

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'Sure, other programs are cheaper. But let's not be penny-wise, pound-foolish.'

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

'You get the diet book which you won't read, the exercise bar you won't use and the workout CD which you won't watch, for only $29.99.'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

Doctor to man: 'Don't kid yourself. You don't have athlete's foot - more like couch potato's corns.'