Health Ninja Wannabe Gifts

'Health foods? I had some frozen yogurt once.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Dieting Motivation.

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

"I can't have anything that's a food."

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

A Complex Carb.

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

Whole foods versus 'hole foods'.

'Mom, your diet says you can eat all the vegetables you want. Wow! A diet without vegetables!'

"I'm not saying you have to give them up entirely, but you need to eat your young in moderation."

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

"Good boy Alex! You've eaten all your vegetables again."

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

Food that is good for you and food that is good for drug companies.

"I can guarantee on this diet you'll lose at least 50 pounds a month, until you cancel your standing order!"

'It's very important to have balanced diet.'

'I always watch what I eat - right up until it disappears into my mouth.'

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

"I am a ninja rabbit. I am stealth personified. I am one of the unseen. I am now invisible...Darn."

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

'Sure, other programs are cheaper. But let's not be penny-wise, pound-foolish.'

The Diabetic Hummingbird Feeder

Doctor to man: 'Don't kid yourself. You don't have athlete's foot - more like couch potato's corns.'

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

'You get the diet book which you won't read, the exercise bar you won't use and the workout CD which you won't watch, for only $29.99.'

"Thank you for the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Mrs Williams, but I'm allergic to peanuts, gluten, and I'm pre-diabetic."

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

Birthday cakes for Dieters...

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!