Health News Buff Pillows

'Powerful antioxidants that can promote good health, found in chocolate. Wait, this just in! Harmful saturated fats found in chocolate.'

"Which do you want first, the good news that sounds better than it is or the bad news that seems worse than you expected?"

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"They grow up so fast."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

Our Two Parties, Explained

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

Taking Credit after Voting against Stimulus

DUNVOTIN

Europe and immigration.

Local News in Heaven

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Rock and a Hard Place

"Well, if you didn't do anything in North Korea, then why do they keep launching missiles at us?"

"It's good you're avoiding radioactive pieces of your destroyed home planet that deprive you of your superpowers... but you should also watch the sodium."

Newspaper suicide.

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

Bush and his exit 'strategery'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

"That does it! ISIS is defeated."

Ian Hislop

The boy who cried Wolf Blitzer,

"I'm a stable genius!"

Redacted Funnies: "Finally, the President blurted out what the country knew all along. . . . . . "

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

'It's clear that we need Haitian refugees in America to do jobs Americans aren't willing to do... Like voting Democratic!'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'