Health News Buff Pillows

'Powerful antioxidants that can promote good health, found in chocolate. Wait, this just in! Harmful saturated fats found in chocolate.'

"Which do you want first, the good news that sounds better than it is or the bad news that seems worse than you expected?"

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"They grow up so fast."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

DUNVOTIN

Europe and immigration.

Local News in Heaven

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

Rock and a Hard Place

"It's good you're avoiding radioactive pieces of your destroyed home planet that deprive you of your superpowers... but you should also watch the sodium."

"Well, if you didn't do anything in North Korea, then why do they keep launching missiles at us?"

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Newspaper suicide.

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Bush and his exit 'strategery'

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

"I'm a stable genius!"

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Redacted Funnies: "Finally, the President blurted out what the country knew all along. . . . . . "

Punch Magazine - "You've got a circulation problem."

"I hope you're not reading fake news."

Weditorials