Health Goal Grappler Pillows

"Those image resolutions are crystal clear, but it's my New Year's resolutions that are getting pretty fuzzy."

The Jeopardy of Progress

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"God works in mysterious ways."

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

Bad times to sneeze

Grim Reapers sitting their 'Finals'.

January Joiner

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

'Today I invested in some Chinese stocks, but I felt greedy again in an hour.'

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'Sorry professor, my mind was some other place.'

'I would've done better in geography, but the test on Australia boomeranged.'

Holding the moral high ground

"Look, I got a good grade because I worked hard. It's like riding a bike...stay in your seat, keep moving forward and you'll reach your goal. Unless you hit a lipstick case dropped in the middle of the road."

'If I had Doppler, it would be predicting a storm when my parents see this grade on my meteorology test.'

'Mum, Dad, I've downgraded my academic forecast.'

How's the writer's block?

'I'm graphing the likelihood of me keeping this New Year's resolutions based on all of my previous resolutions. It doesn't look good for me.'

'Part of me wants to get caught. I need to get in touch with that part and beat the hell out of it.'

'If my grades don't improve, I don't know what'll happen. Maybe they'll offer me a buyout.'

"There is no complaint department, Robert."

'I know I'm just a weather reporter, doc, but I feel guilty every time it rains.'

'Didn't some smart guy say, 'Ignorance is bliss?''

"Look, Dad, I can explain my report card... Maybe I'm not the best student in the world...maybe I'll never be as good as you want me to be... Maybe..."

"What is your ideal weight?"

'That was his New Year's resolution to get in to work all January with his bicycle.'

'We've met our goal for the year...we're still alive!'