Health Food Store Manager Pillows

Health food store: under new management

"Good For You / Bad For You"

Bad for you but to die for

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

Important Food Groups

"We're odd looking but just as good."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Price may vary with weather.

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

'I wished I'd known about this club last week. I'm really stressed out at my job!'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

Low Hanging Fruit

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

Attack of the 'health' foods

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

Artificial Isle

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

A shop is called 'Garnishes: Top Meals in Tough Times'.

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

"That's when we put those expensive organic snacks in the vending machines."

Apples...37 Spinach...43 Peaches...51

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

"I think the milk's off!"

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"Sir, surely it's irresponsible to be throwing away so much edible food?"