Health Food Store Manager Pillows

Health food store: under new management

"Good For You / Bad For You"

Bad for you but to die for

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

Important Food Groups

"We're odd looking but just as good."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Price may vary with weather.

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

'I wished I'd known about this club last week. I'm really stressed out at my job!'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

Low Hanging Fruit

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

Artificial Isle

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

Apples...37 Spinach...43 Peaches...51

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

"That's when we put those expensive organic snacks in the vending machines."

A shop is called 'Garnishes: Top Meals in Tough Times'.

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

"I think the milk's off!"

"Sir, surely it's irresponsible to be throwing away so much edible food?"