Health Food Explorer T-Shirts

'Jake's Alternate Pharmacy.'

It Tastes So Bad It Must Be Good For You.

"Do we know what we're getting ourselves into with spelt?"

Curds & Whey. Low Sodium. Fat Free. Instant. Organic. Lite. Brown Sugar. Reduced Fat. No Cholesterol. With Spider Marshmallows. Updating the Classics.

"We've been told to introduce a more varied diet....Do you want your peas with chips or without chips?"

'Cool snack, Tommy! My folks are into health foods too!'

'Where is the 'it won't immediately kill you' aisle?'

'I don't know what to eat. All this junk's so bad for you. Whatever happened to that health food trend?'

Attack of the 'health' foods

Surveillance Cameras In Use: Video Adds 10 Pounds - 40% Off Diet Supplements.

Al's Health Spa: You are what you eat.

Vegetables

"I'm trying to eat healthy. Where do you keep the organic donuts?"

"Ding dong bell, Pussy's into wellness."

Before/After

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"From right to left, you have your tekkamaki, your futomaki, and then your yamaimo roll. The little pile of pink stuff is ginger, the green one's wasabi. And, of course, you already recognize your vodka martini."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'Is this still America?'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Pastrami in the wild

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

"I can deal with the conceptual art and electronic music, but what are these hors d'oeuvres supposed to be."