Health Evaluation Pillows

"Richard, Mr. Chenolock, the insurance man, is here to determine your life expectancy."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

PSA Banter.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"I'm getting tired of telling you you can't have a raise!"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

'You get paid for what you produce at work not what you produce at home.'

'I can show you in our panic room while you're waiting to see the boss.'

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

"You've screwed up, messed up and played up. I didn't realise you were so multi-skilled."

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

'Treat me easy this morning.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."