Health Evaluation Pillows

"Richard, Mr. Chenolock, the insurance man, is here to determine your life expectancy."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

PSA Banter.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"I'm getting tired of telling you you can't have a raise!"

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'You get paid for what you produce at work not what you produce at home.'

'I can show you in our panic room while you're waiting to see the boss.'

"You've screwed up, messed up and played up. I didn't realise you were so multi-skilled."

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

'Treat me easy this morning.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"