Health Enthusiast In Denial Pillows

'Did you know that arsenic has absolutely no trans fat?'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

HELLth Food Sprouts

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

'I don't care what anyone says! This is really hard work!'

"These diet pills must work. My purse is getting thinner and thinner."

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

'I've got it in pill form, but for really fast relief from panic attacks...'

"Sulk all you want Edward, we are not adding sporting equipment to our wedding registry!"

Doctor to man: 'Don't kid yourself. You don't have athlete's foot - more like couch potato's corns.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Because when it actually works they just call it medicine."