Health Enthusiast In Denial Prints

'Did you know that arsenic has absolutely no trans fat?'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

HELLth Food Sprouts

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."

Dr. Nutrition, would you say our tuna sandwiches could prevent hair loss? Dr. Nutrition. Given how furry you are, I'll take that as a yes. I will tell our customers the great news. I really appreciate your input, Dr. Nutrition. You are a valued scientific authority. The key to a successful scam is maintaining the pretense at all times.

'It's not that he eats between meals -- it's that his meals overlap.'

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

'I've got it in pill form, but for really fast relief from panic attacks...'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"These diet pills must work. My purse is getting thinner and thinner."

'I don't care what anyone says! This is really hard work!'

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

Doctor to man: 'Don't kid yourself. You don't have athlete's foot - more like couch potato's corns.'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

"Sulk all you want Edward, we are not adding sporting equipment to our wedding registry!"

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

I'll have a gentle flower chamomile tea. That's a good choice, Uncle Mort. Of course you'd say that!!! You're in the pocket of the chamomile industry! You feed at the chamomile trough!!! Here. Delicious. Thanks. I'm glad you're finally taking the doc's advice and laying off the caffeine. That's what you think! I just swallowed seven caffeine tablets with it!!!! Forget the doctors! Big chamomile is in cahoots with big medical insurzzzzzzzz. Addiction is an ugly thing.