Health Detective Gifts

'It's a new syndrome we're seeing more of... 'Google-itis'.'

'Everything came back negative.'

'I couldn't diagnose this ailment on the internet, so I was forced to come to you.'

Hypochondriac at two computers. One reads 'Internet diagnosis', other says 'Second opinion'.

Science and Coronavirus

'There's something wrong here. You have all these risk factors, and yet you're in excellent health.'

'Wow! Well this certainly rules out hypochondria!'

'But surely if I'm convinced I'm a hypochondriac that makes me one?'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

"I just thought I'd run the symptoms by you before I get a proper diagnosis on Google."

"Mr. Bermudez passed out and hit his head, but that'll heal."

"No contraband, but I found a small tumor right here."

"Test results are back - you have...everything."

"Doctor, your medicine makes me very aggressive!"

"Another day, another good chance they'll find something hazardous to my health."

We've got all the tests back and I can give you a 100 guarantee that we are positive we have no idea what's wrong with you!

Health food disguised as junk foodjunk food disguised as health food.

'This could end up costing a lot more than I thought -- your disease is psychocomatic!'

It turns out celiac disease is thousands of years old. Yet I still never heard about "gluten" till recently. What do you think that means, Randy? It obviously means big wheat has some explaining to do. They must've altered the grains. I don't know. Maybe it's because our environment has gotten cleaner. So since our antibodies haven't had to work as hard, they've gotten weaker. HOJ. If there's one thing you'd know about, little buddy, it's atrophy. We should have our own science show.

Did you know....Diseases are not caused by corporate chemicals in processes, products or waste!!

'We thank you for giving us the ability to genetically alter, irradiate and microwave this wonderful food.'

Patient comparing his charts to text books.

"The doctor thinks I'm a hypochondriac. That makes me sick."

Too bad Desmond had never learned to recognize the early warning signs of a heart attack.

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."

"Your tests look normal, but that's what the disease wants us to think."

Guide to Contagious Dis e a s e s.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"Our war is against cancer."

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Disease Management

Secretive Weigh In.

Critisize your weight.