Health-conscious Wizards T-Shirts

"No fog lips, rat guts or bat teeth? I hate going vegan!"

Late BroomStick

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

UBLIC RELATIONS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

'Needs more kale.'

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

"To be honest, most of our work involves reassuring patients until nature cures them..."

Doctor with pump: 'Hold on a second while I inflate his ego.'

"Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life."

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

'Actually, the pain is just nature's way of keeping you humble.'

'My grades don't look good right now, but I can fix that in Photoshop.'

P.R. Hell: Abandon all hype, ye who enter here.

"Apparently night shifts undermine our health..."

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

'This is great. A fruit you can eat, drink and wash your ears with.'

For Witches of a Certain Age

Farmacy.

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

'It's true. Since I've been using this organic stuff, my potions are far more effective.'

'I hope that's olive oil. More healthy.'

"Wait a second- is that organic?"

"My vegan desserts are all-natural, although I often suspect that they're artificially savored."

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

Multitasking Monkey

Candies and diet pills

Resisting the Virus

"Well on a positive note, the cuts to the furniture budget have given me thighs of steel!"

Watchdog Maddoff Type Fraud Schemes.