Health-conscious Wizard Pillows

'Well, well, well...'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Distance to avoid contagion

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

'Needs more kale.'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

Doctor with pump: 'Hold on a second while I inflate his ego.'

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

"To be honest, most of our work involves reassuring patients until nature cures them..."

QUICK OIL CHANGE & FLU SHOT

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

"Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life."

"Don't drink and drive. Don't even putt."

GM Foods.

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

"Your, health check results are excellent. You have the body of an athlete... Although, probably only of bronze medal standard."

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof, you've got a nasty case of gingivitis, and to ice things off... yeast confection."

'Have you been eating right?'

'Actually, the pain is just nature's way of keeping you humble.'

"No fog lips, rat guts or bat teeth? I hate going vegan!"

'This is great. A fruit you can eat, drink and wash your ears with.'

I brake for worms

'I'm the toothpaste genie offering you a free dental plan!'

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

"It started with sneaking kale into their spaghetti. Before I knew it I was sneaking homework into their video games."

Farmacy.

'The Tooth Fairy and her evil twin, the Sweet-Tooth Fairy.'

Santa contemplates whether or not to leave presents.

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'