Health-conscious Sorceress Pillows

'It's true. Since I've been using this organic stuff, my potions are far more effective.'

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

"Just a pinch, Helga ... spicy eye of newt doesn't agree with me."

'It runs on batteries. I'm trying to become more green.'

'Needs more kale.'

'Of course it's lite. I wouldn't make it if it wasn't lite.'

"It's a recipe for self-care."

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

"She works best in hex mode."

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

The three witches: locally sourced ingredients.

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Basic Witch: Self-Care Guide For Fall

"No fog lips, rat guts or bat teeth? I hate going vegan!"

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

"Wait a second- is that organic?"

'I hope that's olive oil. More healthy.'

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

Candies and diet pills

'And a piece of algae for Omega 3.'

Resisting the Virus

How To Hex From Home

Watchdog Maddoff Type Fraud Schemes.

"This is a real good deal. If you take the Gigaburger Family Four, you get free liposuction vouchers."

'It appears that Medical Science has turned down the offer of my body.'

'And a piece of algae for Omega 3.'

"Of course we're going to share. You can have all the healthy stuff."

Hypochondriac's rule #6: take care with utensils

"No, it's not a purse, it's a European shoulder bag for my diabetes supplies... and my wallet and a couple of coupons."

'Jamie's not here, she's out with her mother learning the Dark Shopping Arts.'