Health-conscious Humorer Pillows

"Hi honey, how'd the mammogram go?"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"Sunday dinner just isn't the same without growth promoters"

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

Jim's Smart Kettle

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

GMOs

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

Lard Lite - Marketing

'I'll have the food scare of the day.'

Healthy Chocolate Co.

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"You're not allowed to enter the city. Your exhaust emissions are much too high!"

We get so much produce from our farm share, I can't decide what to cook. Use everything! How about a stew with squash, peppers and corn in a zesty tomato base? Would your kids even put it on their plates? Of course! As long as it didn't touch the mac 'n' cheese.

"Nope. Sometimes I drink water just to confuse my liver."

Dizzy Spider

'Let's pretend we're married so we can have a fight!'

"Is this house gluten-free?"

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

The big bad wolf uses an inhaler before he blows down the three little pigs' straw house.

"My telemedical nutritionist calls it surprisingly smooth, with a fruity bouquet rendered more enticing due to a hing of cassis and touches of bell pepper aroma."