Health-conscious Critic Pillows

The Diabetes Special

Imitation lemonade, now with imitation lemon pulp!

"I hate this time of year."

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'Rising health costs are the biggest drain on the economy, so I'll be laying off some of my patients.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

'You're suffering from a lack of profit-making opportunities within the NHS.'

Take a pill so you won't be one.

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'We believe it was at THIS point that the species became extinct.'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

Man robbed by medical center.

Health Foods

No to face recognition technology vs. No to wearing face masks

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

Obesity in America.

'Now that's more like it.'

"IT's a radical new diet I'm developing. I knock out all your teeth so you can't eat and therefore you lose weight."

Zombie Fad Diets. Are you sure fish is brain food!

"Your mother eats all the wrong foods."

"The little thin girl inside you that wants to get out now weighs 200 pounds!"

'Instead of pre-natal care for you, the company gave me a vasectomy!'

'I had a stroke.'

'I suggest you go easy on the fast food.'

'Pop, is that where they make all of those new medicines with the bad side effects?'

"Don't get too comfortable with 6 feet of personal space."

"He's on the paleo diet."

See the Amazing Slim Lady...

You are here - They are there

'I'm here to offer you the company's free preventive health counseling...DON'T GET SICK OR ELSE!'

"Why is it when Jane Austen describes everyday events, it's literary genius, but as soon as I start talking about my gall bladder, your eyes glaze over?"