Health-conscious Communicator Pillows

'Still on the diet pills, huh?'

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

Covid deniers and anti-vaxxers

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"This isn't helping my migraine."

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

Running

Wash your hands

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

'Would it be cruelly ironic to shape our new cholesterol medication like little eggs?'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

Bubbling

'Must you always point out my floss?'

Take a pill so you won't be one.

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

What's really in junk food...

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'