Health-conscious Communicator Pillows

'Still on the diet pills, huh?'

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

Covid deniers and anti-vaxxers

"This isn't helping my migraine."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

Running

Wash your hands

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'Would it be cruelly ironic to shape our new cholesterol medication like little eggs?'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

Take a pill so you won't be one.

Bubbling

'Must you always point out my floss?'

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

What's really in junk food...

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'