Health Checkup Comedian Pillows

'You're as good as new... so I'll see you next for your 1,000 mile checkup.'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Robot surgery.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

No offense, Doctor, but I'm feeling kinda rushed.

'Looks like we could have a pandemic on our hands.'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"My doctor told me to get outdoors more, so now I put on more yard sales."

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

"Oh, sure! Blame the monkey!"

Out of hours GP service machine.

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

'Time for your One-a-Year vitamin supplement pill, dear.'

'How much have you lost so far?', '$375.00'