Health Checkup Comedian T-Shirts

'You're as good as new... so I'll see you next for your 1,000 mile checkup.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Robot surgery.

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

"My doctor told me to get outdoors more, so now I put on more yard sales."

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

'Looks like we could have a pandemic on our hands.'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

"Oh, sure! Blame the monkey!"

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

Out of hours GP service machine.

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'Time for your One-a-Year vitamin supplement pill, dear.'

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

'How much have you lost so far?', '$375.00'

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."