Health Care Navigator Gifts

"I just made a health insurance payment...for the whole year! And now my head hurts."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

Hospital Departments

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

'You're allergic to feathers.'

"Cardiac day patients?"

Medicare: More is Better!

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

Woman and scales.

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

"I don't care what it says on the 'chocoholics' website I'm not able to prescribe chocolate mini eggs on the NHS."

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

'You must be one of Billy Covey's teachers.'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

GPs to be required to offer appointments in advance.

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

'Oh no, not you again,'

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"

'I never know which side to start on.'

Hospital bed shortages

"Does anyone know CPR?"

"Would you like to save 10 percent today by opening a Palmer Funeral Home account?"