Health Care Gifts

'I think my work here is done.'

'I'm the one with the medical degree, I'll determine if your back is bothering you or not.'

'Yes, we have 'All You Need To Know About The Health Care Legislation' but it is part of a twelve volume set.'

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

'I have the results of your stress test, and to be on the safe side, I want you to stop looking at your 401k.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

"Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?...First prize is a bed on one of the wards."

'And this is where my meds kicked in.'

'Well you're an eye doctor aren't you'

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

"Sire, they also want dental."

Medication.

'First we'll do a whole series of tests. With a medical plan as good as yours we're bound to come up with something.'

'Okay, so we went over the top with it, but our PR team said it would generate a lot of buzz.'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

Drove the nurses crazy.

Acupuncture Clinic.

'Oh dear.'

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

Cold quarantine.

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

"What the...why would they schedule my surgery for Thanksgiving?"

"To calm your anxiety about your MRI, M.R.I.-ah Carey will be singing her latest hits during the scan."

Lemonade Stand Selling 'Mom's Meds'

"I hate giving shots. Would you mind leaning into it?"

'Will work for pharmacy coverage.'

'Of course I'm still sick! I couldn't afford the ounce of prevention, let alone the pound of cure.'

How to save money on geriatric care?

'It sounds like your investments could use a check-up too.'

'The doctor has a full schedule, but the computer is available at 11:15 and 3:30 today...'

'So - what does it sound like to you?'

Doctor to man with baseball player and footbal player on feet: 'You have a bad case of athlete's foot.'

"Your hindsight is 20/20, but your foresight is legally blind."

"It hurts when I do this ... "

'Here's an interesting article. 'Cold or Seasonal Allergy?''