Health Care Gifts

'I think my work here is done.'

'I'm the one with the medical degree, I'll determine if your back is bothering you or not.'

'Yes, we have 'All You Need To Know About The Health Care Legislation' but it is part of a twelve volume set.'

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

'I have the results of your stress test, and to be on the safe side, I want you to stop looking at your 401k.'

"Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?...First prize is a bed on one of the wards."

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'And this is where my meds kicked in.'

'Well you're an eye doctor aren't you'

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

"Sire, they also want dental."

Medication.

'First we'll do a whole series of tests. With a medical plan as good as yours we're bound to come up with something.'

'Okay, so we went over the top with it, but our PR team said it would generate a lot of buzz.'

Drove the nurses crazy.

'Oh dear.'

Acupuncture Clinic.

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

Lemonade Stand Selling 'Mom's Meds'

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

"To calm your anxiety about your MRI, M.R.I.-ah Carey will be singing her latest hits during the scan."

Cold quarantine.

"Apparently there's been a mix up...you've been getting 'Butox' injections."

'Here's an interesting article. 'Cold or Seasonal Allergy?''

"It hurts when I do this ... "

"Your hindsight is 20/20, but your foresight is legally blind."

"The vasectomy clinic? Go past the barbers, left at the scissor factory, cut through the bollards and it's opposite the sewing machine shop."

'Will work for pharmacy coverage.'

'It sounds like your investments could use a check-up too.'

'So - what does it sound like to you?'

How to save money on geriatric care?

'The doctor has a full schedule, but the computer is available at 11:15 and 3:30 today...'

'But you said it was only a small filling.'

'Of course I'm still sick! I couldn't afford the ounce of prevention, let alone the pound of cure.'