Health App Enthusiast Pillows

'Mr Fillchock, it's time for your 8pm pills. Please choose the pills that match these shapes, sizes and colours...'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

'The Electronic Health Records software works very well. I entered the patient's medications, vitals, and allergies. The software calculated the course of treatment, projected outcome, and anticipate insurance reimbursement.'

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

"This fitness app predicts pulled muscles and a lot of crying. I'm assuming it's you it's referring to."

'To see how the ward is doing you just need to use your smartphone to set up a wi-fi hotspot which you can use to download a pdf of the data.'

"That's the fifth customer this morning - video calling the doctor's surgery because of Covid restrictions."

'I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I've either got...'

Man waiting in line to self scan himself at a hospital.

"Your online doctor is currently with another patient. Please go into the other room, put on some awful music and read an outdated magazine. He'll be with you in a few hours."

'This is our low cal, low cholesterol, low fat model.'

'If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my computer

Sara M. Decided for once not to check Web MD

"He has an unhealthy obsession with health apps."