Health And Safety Expert Gifts

"He banged his head on the 'watch your head' sign when he was looking at the 'wet floor' warning."

Man using to much bug spray

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

Bench Press Accident

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

'It's okay, there's a trampoline under the snow.'

Cafe Burns.

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

Daddy showed me why I should always wear my bicycle helmet!

Safety Barriers

The Dangers of National Safety Week.

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

'In my day, we didn't concern ourselves with wimpy notions of workplace ergonomics.'

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

"You're right. I have to come up with a brake of some kind."

Tonight: Al Hari Kish, leading yoga expert, speaks on 'this topsy-turvy world'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

Wear a helmet

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Worker Rights and the Smoking Ban

'This is your lucky day!'

Model employee reads 'Best Practice' document ... scruffy slob reads 'Worst Practice', with messy desk and dangerous wires.

"The following is a test of the fire-alarm system. It is only a test. Please ignore the intense heat and combustion."

'Yes, I did tell you to hang the fire extinguisher where it would be easy to reach, but...'

Speeding Forklift

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

"Did you manage to pass the buck on our dodgy food?"

'This is a new electronic child-proof cap. If you can pronounce the drug's name, it opens.'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'I'm here in case one of the actors actually does break a leg.'

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'