Health Advice Renegade Gifts

'He's reached his limit with Government health advice.'

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

"Let's change table stakes to vacation days."

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"I'm recommending a more balanced diet."

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

"Where do you keep the non-educational stuff?"

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

'Good heavens, Margaret, the bailout was for wall street, not for you.'

TV tie-in book signpost.

New in fitness: Health club truancy officers.

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?

'I think my work here is done.'

'These pamphlets will explain the procedure and these leaflets will explain the pamphlets.'

"You're my second opinion. . . my wife was my first."

'Let's keep this simple - what part of you doesn't hurt?'

'The doctor said I should cut down on my alcohol intake, so I've stopped eating wine gums.'

"Your next fattened kid could be your last."

"Don't eat so fast"

A man opens a medicine cabinet to find a bunch of doctors.

"Baldo, when's the last time you read a book?"

'It's supposed to be FIVE portions a day.'

Infodemic

"Give it to me straight, Doc. How long do I have to ignore your advice."

"With some rest, vitamins and mild exercise, that metal fatigue should clear up in just a few weeks!"