Health Adventurer Pillows

Doctors confirm two glasses of wine daily has health benefits.

'This alternative doctor of yours better be good!'

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Your contents have shifted."

"This feels like an accomplishment."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"