Headline Absorber Prints

Bad News, Really Bad News, Horribly Bad News, Devastatingly Bad News and Apocalyptically Bad News.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

Fear of news.

'Breaking Bad' Box Set Addiction.

Newspaper suicide.

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

Cameron uncomfortable hanging out with his inquisitor.

The Expert

News for Sale

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

'How fast can you hype?'

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

Big Newspaper Delivery

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

'You fancy yourself as a press baron, don't you?'

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'

"... and come out fighting, boys."

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"! (Published originally on March 2, 2009.)

News Headline Reads - 'Man Bites Feral Media'.

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

"Here's what went wrong today."

"Now here's my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story."

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

Magazine stand in middle of the desert.

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Daily News Headline Writing Dept. Here's a story about a Colorado appliance salesperson involved in an auto mishap … "Denver blender vendor in fender bender!"

The Daily Fury

"In financial news, stocks were down, bonds were up. In world news, democracies were down, dictatorships were up."