Hay Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Oh, I was looking for something with a little more hay."

"I think I need an extra pillow."

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

Moliere

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

C Day Lewis.

Charles Dickens.

Bleak House

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

Sergei Rachmaninov

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

'Hello front desk? There are a couple of little cooties on my pillow!'

"We were unable to release his grip on the smart phone."

"What kind of moviemaking do we want to reinforce?"

"If you want to spend a little more, here's one that comes with a trust fund."

"You should feel honoured. I don't sue anyone."

Man deciding which hat to wear

"Bargain hunters!"