Harmony Guru Pillows

'Guys, could we try a different inversion?...Guys?'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Work/Life Balance

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

Relationship Warning Lights

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'You know too much!'

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"I think we'd make a good team!"

'Wash your hands, it's time for your piano lessons.'

$1: Family Secrets

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

Love Conquers All

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."