Happy Endings Skeptic Gifts

"... and they both pretended to live happily ever after."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

"Just our luck. We finally see the 'feel good' movie of the year and it's December."

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

''...And they all lived slap-happily ever after.''

'Sorry...I don't do hugs!'

'Where are all these people who lived happily ever after?'

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

"I don't have anything against you in particular. My disdain encompasses humanity as a whole."

"These have severe side effects but they may not have enough time to bother you."

Revised Texts

Standup Pharmacist

"I didn't live through a global pandemic just so I could group hug again!"

"The stock market hit 50,000 and everyone lived happily ever after."

'And just what studies show that losing weight causes global warming?'

'HOLD ON! You're telling me that out of the whole population, in an entire kingdom, this glass slipper fitted just ONE person?!'

'I said my first no today...'

'Aaaah... poop on them!'

"We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious."

Man thinking - "The sex I can cope with. It's the cuddling afterwards I can't stand."

'Was that real purring?'

"Forget the glass slipper thing. I've just installed the Tinderella app."

"Soon to be a major disappointment."

'What's the catch?'

'Side effects'

"Yesterday it was the other side, but today the side effect is this side..."

"Yeah, I'm a self-made man. I lied on all my resumes and bluffed my way to the top."

'I don't like biographies. The hero always dies in the end.'

"I can guarantee you'll lose £50 as soon as you hand over your credit card."

'Sorry, I've decided not to die.'

"I have these pills to relieve hayfever but the side effects are watery eyes, a runny nose and sneezing."

Pharmacy - "And these blue ones are for the stomach cramps the red ones are going to give you."