Handoff Hero Pillows

"Oh, oh, it seems they've had a little trouble with the hand-off in lane number three."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

"Hey! Hey! I could gopher another lemon drop over here, please and thank you."

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

Join me in a Caiprinha!

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

"It's a full moon somewhere."

TECHNICAL SUPPORT, 'Have you tried pounding it with your fist?'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"I figure if I don't have that third martini, then the terrorists win."

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'

'This is the part of the rat race that I don't challenge.'

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

'It was a lot more congenial when we had happy hour.'

Pints of Lager

"It takes me only one drink to get drunk. Its either the seventh or eighth."