Handcuff Enthusiast Pillows

"Have you considered the possibility that you could be too old for escapology classes?"

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

(Visual gag) Wellard's annual BIG HANDBAG SALE!! A woman is dragging a huge bag out from a bag shop

'Mind taking off your scarf.'

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"I just wonder if the brand name is too obvious."

"How adorable! I'd love to have one of my own but I'm so terribly allergic."

"'Bring Your Dad to School Day' was so embarrassing Mum! Why didn't you warn my teacher that Dad is a hugger?"!

"We'd like a quiet table for two where my wife can justify spending three grand on a handbag."

Please Don't Wash Your Hands While Driving

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

Michel de Montaigne

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

You know you're getting old when....

Favorite Selections from 800,000 Things To Do With a Scarf

Handbags at dawn. A typical bout of fisticuffs on the rugby pitch.

'I must warn you, I'm an army boxer.'

'Mail order? You said all the toys were hand-made!'

Our Heirloom Christmas Ornaments.

'I knew we should have brought your marigolds,dear!'

Chiropractic concerns

"CCCOOOLD!"

Wordplay: Inverted.

Professor Lars P. Olafson. Inventor of the scatter cushion.

'Why didn't you stop it?' - 'I didn't want to get my new gloves dirty.'

Frankenstein's monster on sale at the arts and crafts fair.

'You've got some nerve barging in here demanding my staff drop everything and do handstands for you!'

A chemist misunderstanding the request of a lady after a way to clean gloves.

"...and do you promise to love, honor, and carry all the stuff that won't fit in her purse..."

I wanted gloves without fingers!

"I'm worried I didn't bring the right bag"