Handcuff Enthusiast Pillows

"Have you considered the possibility that you could be too old for escapology classes?"

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

(Visual gag) Wellard's annual BIG HANDBAG SALE!! A woman is dragging a huge bag out from a bag shop

'Mind taking off your scarf.'

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"I just wonder if the brand name is too obvious."

"'Bring Your Dad to School Day' was so embarrassing Mum! Why didn't you warn my teacher that Dad is a hugger?"!

"How adorable! I'd love to have one of my own but I'm so terribly allergic."

"We'd like a quiet table for two where my wife can justify spending three grand on a handbag."

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

Please Don't Wash Your Hands While Driving

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

Michel de Montaigne

Favorite Selections from 800,000 Things To Do With a Scarf

You know you're getting old when....

'I must warn you, I'm an army boxer.'

Our Heirloom Christmas Ornaments.

'Look at it this way...you're like a big pop star! The hits just keep on coming!'

You'll grow into your sister's hand-me-downs soon enough, dear.

'I knew we should have brought your marigolds,dear!'

Handbags at dawn. A typical bout of fisticuffs on the rugby pitch.

'Mail order? You said all the toys were hand-made!'

Chiropractic concerns

My mom put the clips on because I'm always losing my gloves.

"CCCOOOLD!"

Wordplay: Inverted.

Professor Lars P. Olafson. Inventor of the scatter cushion.

'Why didn't you stop it?' - 'I didn't want to get my new gloves dirty.'

Frankenstein's monster on sale at the arts and crafts fair.

"...and do you promise to love, honor, and carry all the stuff that won't fit in her purse..."

'I should have won that last fight.'

'You've got some nerve barging in here demanding my staff drop everything and do handstands for you!'

"I'm worried I didn't bring the right bag"