Handcrafted Lover Pillows

'My husband is just being modest. Buck is the finest mason in the tri-county area!'

Archimedes statue with a lever

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"We needed to replace our kitchen floor and it kind of grew from there."

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

Your Home Remodel Team

'Stamp collecting has gotten more competitive.'

Music

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Please excuse the mess. The interior decorators are in.'

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

Ancient Grammar Police: 'Oh, for cryin' out loud...you never end a sentence with a . . .'

"I think I know where the passion in our marriage has gone."

Crafty Beer: "I'm making a scrapbook of when you were still fermenting."

"Don't disturb Daddy darling: he's just received his new issue of "Basic Tools Monthly"..."

"Just so you understand in advance - we're not old-time craftsmen, and we don't take pride in our work."

Pottery Slam

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

'Honestly, madam, every home should have one.'

Self-Assembly Bookcase

'And if you run out of macaroni Cheerios!!'

'I ran into a whittler.'

Painting and decorating

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

Now if you're looking for a handy fixer-upper

Teacher giving marks out of ten to builder repairing wall in school.

'I remember when it was a row of quaint little coffee bars and boutiques.'

"Politics has divided everything."

'Then I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

"Now it's high definition!"

Psychiatry. Your disorientation is number 2248 in my psychiatry manual. You mean my daze is numbered?