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"No, I'm Frank Bernstein. The guy you want lives in the old castle down the street"

Macaroni and Cheese Witch

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

Transylvanian backpackers.

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'He likes to power nap.'

'One eye of newt or two?'

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

Night of the Zombonies.

Dead Funny

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

"Hey! Where's that black cat? My ride's ready!"

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

Chiller Theatre

"I was almost that last year."

"Home depot."

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

"The Monster Mash wasn't just about having fun. We were protesting Vietnam."

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

Broomstick crash.

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

Zombies.

Woodpecker carving pumpkins

"Fred's had too much to drink - now he's hitting on that old coat rack."

"There it was again...SOOIE! And then she realized the pig call was coming from inside the house!"

"If you wish to manifest here, you'll have to change. We don't allow anything past 1950."

Igor hesitated - "You give me that silly old brain, and i'll give you these magic beans!"