Halitosis Humorist Pillows

'Good lord, Gerald-is that mint gum?'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Lactose Intolerant

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

Cat Heaven vs Mouse Hell.

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Providing Healthcare For All

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'