Hair Whiz Pillows

'What do you mean, you just sell coffee? I don't understand, what kind of shop is that?'

The first car accident.

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

'There! Now you won't get tangles!'

This is Twig's scene. Get ready! That's her! Where? There! Too late. Nice shot of Jessie Caldwell. Wasn't she fabulous.

Like father like son.

The Invention of the Wheel

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

'I need both hands for steering.'

Man on a unicycle trying to guard credit from nasty 'Bankruptcy'.

Apex Dictionaries Co - sign reads: Clowsed,bak at too.

'Hey! -- I invented that, too!', 'It's that nut Al-Gor again.'

'This is just the first step -- next, I invent the Teamsters' Union!'

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

'You asked for the 'Cartoonists' Cut'. You got the Cartoonists' Cut'. What's the problem?'

Um... Can I get an 'L', Pat?

"Richard P. Ruggles—a man and his mantelpiece."

"Bangin’ rims. Sears?"

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

Millipede motorist

First Speeding Fine.

'It just needs tidying up a bit.'

"Maybe we should stop making them on a hill."

The Best Defense for Trump's Wall

"Honey, I think these carpenter ants in the kitchen are Amish!"

"Why do we lose our leaves in the fall - I'm cold all winter."

"'Thank you for sending us your manuscript,' she exclaimed. 'You're welcome,' I retorted. 'Unfortunately, it's not what we are looking for,' she opined. 'How disappointing,' I remarked."

Bad hair day.

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

'Well you know what they say 'here today gone tomorrow' or in the case of dotcoms, 'here today gone shortly after lunch.'

'My mum can play the piano by ear.'

"I'm looking for something that will go nicely with this!"

Publication Day for Johnson's Dictionary

'We had to discontinue the alphabet soup -- we were getting too many libel suits.'