Hack-proof Hero Pillows

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

"So, how did the audition go?" "Great! I really nailed it."

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

Wallpapering with Nails

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

"I'm worried about little Gwendoline. She's ignoring her phone and thinking on her own!"

"I had a wonderful dream that Anonymous turned out to be me."

'I got the job, Mom. You always said I'd make a living with my hands.'

"We've been hacked by our enemies! Is there anyone who know something about computers?"

"Now right-click on the icon."

Blue-Collar Workers

"This one is for hacking into our enemy's hacks."

'They call it a remote because that's the chnaces of me being able to program it.'

"Let's see...how would Arnie handle this?"

"I'm getting a new computer, so I'm making sure all my data on this one is erased."

"Looks like another case of someone over forty trying to understand Snapchat."

'I steal from the rich databases and give to the poor databases.'

"To reinforce my diet, the mirror goes on the fridge."

Job Safety - Valves.

"I had to give up my secret identity—no more phone booths."

'Fighting evil, fighting evil, fighting evil...oh, wait, how about the 17th, say noonish?'

"Look, Peg, you don't really have to dress like that for computer crime."

'And then Steve Jobs invented apple computers.'

Bluetooth was the future.

Computer use issues

"Thanks to all the passwords I've had to memorize, I've forgotten my name. Who am I?"

"That, of course, is the military solution."

21st Century Childhood Pranks.

"So what do we do when we can't say anything nice about someone?"

"For your birthday I'm going to give you 24 hours technical support."

A trapeze artist texting forgets to grab his fellow artist.

"My dad? Forget about it! He's clueless about cells...he'd never read my text messages...trust me!"

"Yes, if you ask for a menu instead of scanning the QR code you automatically qualify for the senior discount."