Habitual Mischief-seeker Gifts

'I'm one year older and I should know better, but there are times all I want to do is tear into a new pair of slippers.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

'She'll never look for me here.'

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Hey, Jeffrey...I've got a physics question for you...The queen of static electricity is exempt! Hail me!!'

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

The Tooth Ferret

'Oh, no! The monster under my bed is my brother!'

'I know the Oval Office is in the West Wing. I wonder what mischief goes on in the East Wing?'

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

'I don't want to hear your problems, Hawkins---take your troubles five doors down, to our for-crying-out-loud! department'

'I can't undo anything - I've forgot my toolbox!'

"I never lie to my parents, but sometimes we do interpret event differently."

'Really? A Bride of Satan? Golly, Lucille, why did you wait until our fourth date to tell me you were already married?'

"Nice guy...but weird sense of humor."

"Let's tell him we've been good. He probably won't call our bluff."

The jobless blacksmith screwed up the heart surgeon re-education.

'Grandma says she has the perfect wrestler nickname for me. What does Tiny Terror mean?'

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

Urine sample

'Yeah, girls smell good, but don't let THAT fool you!'

The Cornucopia Trap

"They think I made them in MY image? How did they get THAT idea?"

"Fred, listen! Can you hear me? The desensitizing cream - it's for external use."

Next year Timmy gets socks for his birthday