Habitual Cracker Pillows

"He's stopped that annoying knuckle cracking, but now he's smuggling in bubble wrap."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

"I want to be street smart so I can be a road scholar."

Come on Darling: Surely, you don't need a sledgehammer to crack a nut...

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

Boy whistling at crackers.

'You reek of crackers.'

How The Ice Age Began: 'OK, can we freeze it right there...'

"All the salmon has disappeared yet every door to the house was locked. Oh, it's a mystery all right."

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

'Dear father for what I am about to receive I give thee thanks.'

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

'Do you practice everyday or are you always this annoying?'

C is for Cracker

"Fortunately, Mr. O'Brien, a sucker's attorney is born every half a minute."

A parrot business meeting

'I need an officer to respond to a report of a stolen donut truck.'

"If, in the future, you're unclear about what I need you to gather when I say nuts ..."

Cracker nice, but Polly want more.

'Not to worry, I've handled hundreds of cases like this and the way I see it, I'm bound to win one sooner or later.'

'...On the other hand - the examined life sucks too.'

Polly want a cracker?

Nutcracker mice

'Polly had a cracker.'

"Oh, you mellow with age alright: I even like the postman now..."

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

'Halloween, Thanksgiving, and at last it's really you...the Big Enchilada!'

'They agreed to settle out of court.'