Gym Joiners Gifts

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"This feels like an accomplishment."

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

"OK, ready to go again?"

Bench Press Accident

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

Where Skim Milk comes from.

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"We're exclusively delts."

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

Woman walks her dog on a running machine.

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

Exercising

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

"Well, that will never be a yoga pose."

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

"Can I still do my pilates?"

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

Keep Fit.

Exercise Bars

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

Tortoise and hare on treadmills.

Frank & Ernie's Health and Fitness Equipment for Elite Athletes. Our first delivery is there free weights we're taking to a golfer. He'll be working on his irons! This is going to a swimmer. A massage table for back strokes! A pro snowboarder bought this hyperbaric chamber. He wants to get big air! And we'll finish by taking the treadmill to a baseball player's basement gym. Of course ... for the home runs!

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

How to go form fit to fat...

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.