Gym Joiners Gifts

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"This feels like an accomplishment."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

Where Skim Milk comes from.

"We're exclusively delts."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

Bench Press Accident

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

Woman walks her dog on a running machine.

Exercising

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

Keep Fit.

"Well, that will never be a yoga pose."

Exercise Bars

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

"When I was your age, I had to ride fifteen miles on a little stationary bike while disco lights flashed and E.D.M. played in the background."

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."