Gustatory Critic Gifts

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

Thermidor Dali

Cheese Pile

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

"Would you care to see a YouTube of your chicken when it was free ranging?"

Shakspeare a little altered. - 'He lived not wisely, but too well.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

"It looks like fecal transplants may do us in."

If students are more than a test score why aren't teachers?

"Sometimes I come up here and think about the great meals I've eaten."

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

'Granted, it's classified as a weed around here, but you have to agree its pollen is delicious...'

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

Mary McCarthy.

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'I can take your full-bottle order - he only handles splits.'

House of Beans.

Bread Stall

'Just let it go, kid... You knew this line of work has its risks.'

My first rodeo

"The chef would like to thank you for filling in the questionnaire and after watching you on our CCTV, he has these comments for you: You all chose the wrong wine and cutlery with your food and...'"

Man Gagging In A Restaurant.

'They always off the mom.'