Gun Store Employee Pillows

'Would you like to join our frequent shooter club?'

'This was owned by a little old lady who only used it on door-to-door salesmen!'

"Careful with that window. The safety sticker says 'open windows can be hazardous.'"

Sale! Weed Whackers

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

Men's Prayer Group.

What?

"That's closer to the shade of taupe I want, but it's still not quite right!"

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

'Of course I will! Hey, I can't go wrong - my brother is a divorce lawyer and my dad is a gun dealer!'

'Look, we have 7 and we have 5 . . . I make that 75 �' the number of your house!'

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

'This must be the work clothes section.'

"For extra protection, this one is armed with a tiny gun of its own."

'Yeah, yeah, the ammo is included. ... OK, so remember - anyone asks? You've never seen me before in your life.'

Pork Lift

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'It covers well enough, but I found the recommended drying time to be completely inadequate.'

Fido's begging days were over.

"What a rip-off."

'There ought to be background checks before people can vote.'

"Just groceries? Oh I see..."

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

'Look, I'm terribly sorry to interrupt you, but...'

'I need a new scent.'

"My gun's in the shop. Let's establish a dialogue."

"I miss incandescent. They weren't very energy efficient – but neither am I."