Gun Store Employee Pillows

'Would you like to join our frequent shooter club?'

'This was owned by a little old lady who only used it on door-to-door salesmen!'

"Careful with that window. The safety sticker says 'open windows can be hazardous.'"

Sale! Weed Whackers

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

Men's Prayer Group.

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

'Of course I will! Hey, I can't go wrong - my brother is a divorce lawyer and my dad is a gun dealer!'

"That's closer to the shade of taupe I want, but it's still not quite right!"

'Look, we have 7 and we have 5 . . . I make that 75 �' the number of your house!'

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

'This must be the work clothes section.'

'Yeah, yeah, the ammo is included. ... OK, so remember - anyone asks? You've never seen me before in your life.'

Pork Lift

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

"For extra protection, this one is armed with a tiny gun of its own."

'It covers well enough, but I found the recommended drying time to be completely inadequate.'

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

"What a rip-off."

'There ought to be background checks before people can vote.'

Fido's begging days were over.

'Look, I'm terribly sorry to interrupt you, but...'

"Just groceries? Oh I see..."

"My gun's in the shop. Let's establish a dialogue."

'I need a new scent.'

"Since the cracked down on gun licences there's some bleedin awful shots about!"

Have you got any nails? I'm on a diet.