Gun-slinger Pretend Player Gifts

Squint Eastwood

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

'This is your spinal column...It's a bunch of bones that runs up and down your back and keeps your legs from going all the way up to your neck.'

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

"Jonathan! I've told you not to put your space toys in the freezer and pretend they're on the ice planet!"

'Don't bite it. I have to check Daddy next.'

'AQ popgun? I want a field model Browning pump chambered for the 3-inch magnum load.'

"How the heck could you forget your sword?"

"I'm playing "Explorer" and looking for the Elephant Cemetery: there should be really big bones there!"

"Take a pill in the morning, in the afternoon and at night."

"I told you, I can’t scratch your belly right now."

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

'Hey, I made a hole in Juan.'

'Shh, Ben's running it right to us. That's his 'I've got everything under control' howl.'

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

Owl

Girl trying to be a woman

'Sweetheart, It's time you knew... Your father isn't a real wildlife biologist.'

'Let's play alternative health provider.'

I'm Ok, You're Ok Corral

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

"I don't think so, Ted!"

'Dewey is a cowboy's cowboy!'

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

Not at all O.K. Corral

"Step 10 paces, turn and post your opinion on facebook."

Coffee Shops of the Old West: "Damn it Zeke! How many times do I have to tell you?? When a customer asks for a double shot...he means Espresso!"

"That was six! You should never have quit school, Jake!"

Santa's family holding firearms

"Let's just say your booty isn't quite as valuable as it was!"

'No, I can't be the horse, YOU have to be the horse!'

Desperate Househusbands

"I can't go to school today, Mom . . . I'm running a low-grade spring fever."