Gum-removal Guru Pillows

"This one's for volunteering for field trips. This one's for planning the class holiday parties. . ."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Dating is so expensive...

"Be creative...!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

Kid blowing bubble takes off.

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"Please don't kill me."

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

Movember

The Cat Spa

"Nice haircut."

'Have you had a brazilian?'

Hair Traffic control.

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

"We have a very special relationship with our barber."

Shaving