Gum-removal Guru Gifts

"This one's for volunteering for field trips. This one's for planning the class holiday parties. . ."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Emergency Hipster Beard

Dating is so expensive...

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Be creative...!"

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"Please don't kill me."

The Cat Spa

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

"Nice haircut."

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Kid blowing bubble takes off.

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

Movember

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

'Have you had a brazilian?'

Hair Traffic control.

Square Cut

"We have a very special relationship with our barber."

The day wasps discovered there's something about an Aqua Velva Man.

'To grow a good beard, have good dental habits. First, brush with a concave brush to clean the teeth's facial surfaces. Then use a convex brush to reach flat surfaces. Then use a scalloped brush to be chic. Then floss to clean between teeth. Then use ...